that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
