i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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