I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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