doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize