you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize