i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
