I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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