apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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