i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
