Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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