Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
