the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
