i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
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