i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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