dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize