I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
