Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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