remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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