sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
