Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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