from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize
