i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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