he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
