They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize
