Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
