We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
