i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
