So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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