Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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