im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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