We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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