Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
