The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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