Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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