when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
