ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
