i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
