I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
