i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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