I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
