We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
