new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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