he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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