I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
