before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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