his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It's never too late to be topless.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
