it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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