i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
