And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize