I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
