Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
