Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
