thus making me awesome and them whores
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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