I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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