Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
