508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
