So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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