Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize