I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
