Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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