there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
