I cockslap morals
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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