So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
