Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
