I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize