Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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