margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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