felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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