Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
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