I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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